just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
