We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
