It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
