His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
