Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
