if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
