; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
