I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
