New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
