the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
