What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
