Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
