oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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