I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
