He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
