did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
