I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
