the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
