people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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