Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
