Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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