Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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