Four minutes until I can fart!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
