I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
