Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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