Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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