it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
