Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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