There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
