Have you finally orgasmed yet?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
