he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You pole danced in your parka.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
