haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
