We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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