Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
