the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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