Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just pee around me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
