maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
