He kissed a someone with a penis
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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