idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
