Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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