She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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