I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
