You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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