DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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