nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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