finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
