That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
