Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize