Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
