you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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