I'm lost and stupid without you.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
