U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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