Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
