So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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