I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
