Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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