If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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