So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
