In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
