Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
