I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
