Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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